Dr. Bones

Our resident agony aunt, Dr. Temperance Brennan answers all your juicy questions.


Dear Dr. Bones,
I want to become a famous author like you. My book is about flesh-eating zombies, how should I go about getting it published?
Signed, Hoping.


Dear Hoping,
First of all you need to write a novel about real issues, ones that concern the people. In my novels I have written a social commentary through clever metaphors and other literary devices. Zombies aren't real, and you cannot hope to get a novel such as this published.
-Dr. Bones.



Dear Dr. Bones,
I'm a sexy FBI agent who could have my share of any number of beautiful ladies, yet I find myself more and more attracted to my genius scientist partner. What should I do?
Signed, Confused.


Dear Confused,
You write that your partner is a scientist, implying he or she is clearly more mentally advanced than you. It is unlikely he or she would wish to procreate with someone less intelligent. Try boosting your IQ before initiating a relationship.
-Dr. Bones.



Dear Dr. Bones,
How can I improve my aptitude with women? When I go out, they always turn me down. I don't know if its my lack of a face or my strange accent, but its really depressing me. Help!
Signed, Desperate.


Dear Desperate,
I find internet dating a wonderful way to cultivate relationships. If, however you are only seeking sexual release, I would suggest investing in paid services. These woman are very understanding, and if sourced through a reputible madam, clean and safe.
-Dr. Bones.



Dear Dr. Bones,
Recently my boss and I began a sexual relationship. How do I tell her I want to stop? I used to enjoy our games, but now my scars wont heal it just isn't enjoyable anymore.
Signed, Submissive.


Dear Submissive,
Relationships in the workplace are never a good idea, especially one of the nature you imply. Sex should not require pain or submission to be enjoyable. Consider a sexual harassment claim.
-Dr. Bones.